Lord, what can cause a marriage partner to stray and to become unfaithful?   

Searching For a Reason 

Flirting With Disaster 

            It seems that in difficult times the devil never fails to set an obstacle in our paths.  But it is not always an unwelcome roadblock.  Sometimes it is beautiful and sensual or merely incredibly sweet and understanding.  This person is sometimes in need of comforting also.  Mutual understanding mixed with attraction and the excitement of a new relationship is very difficult to resist.  Be on guard because it is like fire and can quickly consume all that there is of your morals and of your entire marriage relationship and of your soul itself.   

            Before you know it your dissatisfaction with your marriage partner will grow in direct proportion to the amount of time that is being spent with the other person.  Petty gripes will in your mind turn into major problems in order to justify what it is that you are doing.  All this does nothing but dampen the feelings of love that should be for your spouse.  By its continuation you are literally and intentionally destroying your love life and possibly losing the love of your life.  A substitute love is all that it is.  It’s a love that, in this difficult time, seems easier and more relaxing, yet at what price – years of history with your spouse.   

Rewards of Time 

            In order to truly love someone new you would need to get to know that person and allow yourself to fall for him/her.  Yet, there is no history of going through good and bad times and the strength that comes from that.  History is, in fact, what makes everything strong.  Older couples will tell you that there were many very hard times in their relationships but they came out of them stronger than before.  They needed to learn to help each other through those hard times and to hold one another up even when love seemed to have distanced itself from the relationship.  There is an ever advancement in their love and understanding of one another.  Without being able to mutually learn from the past, couples that trade partners are doomed to repeat the same old mistakes. 

A Committed Life 

            Living with and loving someone means that they have the ability to hurt you and will hurt you at some point in time.  It also means that there is something there that is stronger than the hurt.  Commitment.  When things get bad, when emotions sway from one end of the spectrum to the other there is still commitment.  When love seems so far away, commitment keeps you steadfast.  You are not married to each other because you can always agree on everything.  You are married because there was a time that you both committed your lives to one another - for life.

            Commitment means so much more than just “Sticking around even though it’s bad.”  It means using a conscious effort to better the situation.  There is no commitment when continually complaining about a spouse to a friend or to your “stumbling roadblock.”  It is kindness in the face of adversity.  It is helping the other person up when they are down.  Loving the unlovable at times.  It is unfailing devotion and upholding the honor of your spouse under all circumstances and to all people – even those to whom you may have an attraction.  Don’t let the kind sweet words of an attractive stranger destroy commitment.  Don’t take the easy way out for someone who pursues like a hunting lion full of beauty and grace yet consumes with ravenous fury.  It may not be intentional on their part and they may not quite understand how wrong their pursuit is, yet, it is still wrong. 

            Lord, two weeks have passed since our breakup and I have done something wrong.  In anger, I have said things about my husband that I shouldn’t have.  Although they were true, I should never have said them.  This person in turn, has taken what I have said, twisted and exagerated the  details and passed it on to many others.  My husband knows and is using this as a further excuse to separate himself from me and to cling to another.  Please forgive me and let me know your Will. 

Guard Your Tongue 

            When speaking to others of your problems, beware of the motives of those who easily take the side of you personally instead of the side of the relationship.  In-laws are famous for taking the side of the relative when in fact they need to be supportive of the marriage itself.   Be especially mindful of the fact that your stumbling roadblock will use all that is said as an advantage to seek an entrance to your affections and heart.    

            Guard your tongue for although it is very small in comparison with the rest of the body, it is the most destructive of all its members.  It has the power to completely destroy another person’s self-esteem, image, reputation and honor.  It can take something breathtakingly beautiful and completely lay waste to it.   The power of the tongue is to turn you into a negative thinking and behaving person.  The tongue will turn you away from finding resolutions with your spouse and always seeks to destroy by complaining to others who are merely addicted to gossip.

            An equestrian uses a bit in their horse’s mouth to control its behavior.  It then requires only a small amount of pressure to control which way the animal will go.  Without that bit, the horse is uncontrollable, turning here and there.  We must bite our tongues and watch constantly what we say for it controls the actions of our whole body. We will turn here and there to friend and relative seeking advice, comfort and encouragement from everyone but the right person.  We cannot be loyal to our spouses if we do not first bind our tongues and resolve only to speak as the Lord would have us to.   

            God warns over and over in the Bible about the need to control what is said.  At the battle of Jericho, the Lord not only told the army surrounding the city to march around the walls for seven days but he also commanded them to do something else.  He told the members of the army not to speak to one another.  This was critical.  If he had not so commanded, can you imagine what would have happened?  Well in short, the walls would probably still be standing.  The tongues of all those complaining individuals would have killed that miracle of God.  I can just hear it now on the first day of the march: “What are we doing just walking around these walls?”  On the second day: “This is crazy.  We don’t need to walk around when what we really need to do is fight.”  On the third day: “Joshua is a nut case!  We need a new leader.  We need someone who won’t have us doing something so stupid.”  Loyalty just went down the tubes.  I dare say that not many would have been left marching at the end of seven days.  God knew the power of the tongue of that army.  He had Joshua stick a bit into it and remained in control of the group for the full seven days. They then were able to witness a mighty miracle of God when the walls came crashing down.   

            If the Lord saw fit to take such precautions with the tongues of man in order to achieve a miracle, why then do we take its behavior so lightly?  We as Christians know that we need all the help from God that we can get and yet we disobey the scriptures in the misuse of our speech most every day.  It will, if you let it, lead you straight down the path of unrighteousness to the destruction of those that you love and of yourself.  The Bible says to be of Sound speech that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you (Titus 2:8).  This is so true.  Bad mouthing a person who is always kind in words is nearly impossible.  There is just nothing much to complain about and when you do, shame always follows.   

            Husbands and wives must watch their speech, ever aware of and avoiding the hurtful jabs and darts that whittle away at the other’s self-esteem.  Don’t let your own pride and jealousies cause you to cut your spouse down in order to lift your own self up.  Spouses know each other inside and out and are able, if they want, to cut more deeply than anyone else could even conceive of doing.  Yet by doing so they are slowly destroying that special language that married couples share between them.  Before long, walls are built up to keep the partner from knowing anymore about them just to keep them from further hurting that intimate part. 

Marriage and the Heart 

            A person’s heart is like a house full of many doors leading to other doors.  Each outside door represents an area of your heart and how you feel about a subject.  A stranger may see only the exterior of the house making observations and assumptions from a first impression.  When making a friend, you first unlock an outer door and reveal a key truth about yourself.  If this is not rejected then you are able to open up the next door in that area and so on until you are convinced, by their unreceptive ness, that you should let them go no further.  Husbands and wives trust each other to go further than anyone else into their heart’s - subterranean, if you will.  There should be a constant searching of your spouse’s heart house that will draw you closer than could ever be imagined.   

            However, the easiest way to see the next door slammed shut in your face is to harm the person by saying something hurtful.  All of a sudden you will find yourself not trusted to be there anymore.  The body has a natural defense to keep it from being overly hurt.  Pain is that defense.  If you were to feel no pain then you could too easily be severely or even mortally wounded before stopping what it was that you were doing to cause it.  The heart is no different.  Shutting and locking a door is merely a defense mechanism against pain.  Much of it is involuntary and can cause each of them to wonder why they can no longer talk with one another like they used to do.   

            This, I believe, is why the phrase “Getting to the root of the problem” came into being.  First the couple needs to find out which door or heart areas have been hurt and are closed off.  When that is known then the next step is to unlock and open one back up letting your spouse step through to the next door, going ever deeper until the room where the source of the pain has been found.  Healing needs to take place there by first understanding the reason for the pain and then lovingly apologizing and convincing your spouse that you can now be trusted in that intimate place.  If this is not done you will find yourself escorted right back out of that area with all the doors slamming behind you and possibly out of the house of the heart itself.

            Lord, you spoke to me of my past as well as my husband’s and of how some of the things that we learned as a child can cause us to have difficulties in our adult relationships.  Teach us Lord and help us to identify, understand and correct our attitudes and misconceptions from childhood. 

Searching the Past 

         A Generation of Disaster            

            I attended high school in the middle seventies and during those years I made friends with several other young individuals.  However, when it came to friends the old saying, birds of a feather flock together, rang very true.  Nearly all of my close friends, including myself, were living in broken dysfunctional families.  The result for most of these teens was unchecked sexual promiscuity and deviancy.  I saw drug and alcohol abuse, in some cases, extending on into their adult lives.  I saw lost lonely souls searching for love in all the wrong places only to find heartache.  I saw sexual abuse within families where mothers were too cowardly to confront the fathers and grandfathers – leaving young girls alone and helpless never knowing how to say no to the men in their lives.

           As for myself, I seldom dated as a teenager and lived mostly on my own throughout my high school years.  My mother, who was severely disabled as a result of having contracted polio when she was twenty-two, was staying at and receiving treatments from a rehabilitation facility.  Stress at home and years of being confined to the couch led her to seek help, training, and a possible job in her future – which she did gain.  Was it a hard decision to leave her young teen alone at home?  Maybe.  Was she worried that I might fall into the wrong crowd?  I am sure it crossed her mind but she also knew me to be different than other kids.  How?  I was a blood-bought child of the living God.  Did I do stupid stuff?  Yes.  But sex and drugs were not in the equation. 

            My biggest challenge was dealing with my father who was having issues related to alcoholism.  After my mom joined rehab, he fell apart and sank into a depression which exasperated his need to drink.  It was quickly decided that he needed to stay at his own father’s home, as the stress of dealing with that situation was more than I could handle as a fifteen/sixteen-year-old.  When he was not drinking, he was the most wonderful man and father a kid could want.  Yet, when he drank, it was like living with a completely different person.  His own family situation as a child contributed to his illness.  His mother died when he was yet a young boy leaving him to be raised by a father, siblings and other relatives.  From then on, his family’s own abuse of him began a lifelong struggle with alcohol as they thought it hilarious to repeatedly get a child drunk.  One thing I know for sure, he had accepted Jesus as his Savior and I will see him one day again.

            It was very clear, the one very big common factor I had with all of my friends was that we all had a broken family structure.  As a result, I saw weak (meek) mothers taken advantage of by their disrespectful children to the point I pitied them.  Never would I have considered speaking to my mother in the manner in which they did.  These kids did anything and everything they wanted, broke all the rules as I knew them, and lived their lives as they saw fit for themselves.  I saw controlling fathers abuse their wives and drive their daughters away into the arms of abusive boyfriends, all the while believing that it was normal behavior.  There were no illustrations of love in their families.  Not one father to be an example of how to love a wife in gentleness with respect to her person.

            In fact, it wasn’t just my friends and I who were the victims of family problems.  Looking back, I remember many young girls and boys from school that were experiencing problems at home.  Unfortunately, for some it resulted in devastating promiscuous relationships with classmates.  For others, it led to being sexually abused by those in authority - teachers.  But why?

           Girls desperately need their father's love and attention while growing up.  They also need to see their father in a truly loving relationship with their mother.  A girl needs to feel their father's admiration and to be held and loved by him while growing up.  Boys and girls look at sex from two totally different viewpoints.  Boys show kindness and love toward a girl with the goal of getting sex.  Girls who have sex with many boys do so with the goal of receiving love and kindness.  A girl who has a proper and healthy relationship with her father is less likely to feel the need to have frivolous sexual encounters.

The Sins of the Fathers 

            What am I trying to teach you by telling you these stories?  For one thing, children of broken families cannot learn how to properly live with, love and care for their spouses.  Fatherless girls cannot learn how to be loved by a man without knowing the tender love of their dad.  They cannot understand how to treat a husband without seeing their own mother love and care for their dad.  They don’t know how to expect to be treated by their husbands without seeing it first hand by their dad’s treatment of their mother.   

            The Bible talks of the sins of the fathers lasting for generations.  Think about it.  All of these broken and dysfunctional families have led to children with broken families and other emotional problems.  How many subsequent hearts were broken because of their parents not properly loving each other?  The elders may have gotten out of their marriages seemingly unscathed, yet what about their children?  There may have not been any outward bruising to the kids but they were no doubt battered and irreparably scarred on the inside.  They carried their emotional scars of mistrust, fears, promiscuity and dominations right into their own love lives and failed miserably in those relationships.

            The Lord is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation (Numbers 14:18). 

            Lord, how can I change?  How can my husband change?  Are we destined to fail in our relationships because that is the only life that we can know?   

Ending the Cycle of Hurt 

            So how can the chain of events ever be broken?  How can the emotional and thought patterns that were learned from childhood be changed into correct feelings and thoughts?  It is very difficult, to say the least.  What you learn early on tends to stay with you throughout life.  The Bible says to Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).  I catch myself doing things, even very trivial things, precisely in the manner that I was taught as a very, very young child.  I have had opinions and ideas regarding things that just seemed automatic in my thought processes because they have been there all my life.  The Lord, however, intervened in some of these ideas stressing the need for me to actually give thought to the reasons why I believed those things.  Even after realizing the error in how I learned them, I still struggle with my thoughts and feelings on those matters simply because they were so embedded in my personality as a child.   

            Hitler, for all of his evilness, totally understood this concept and used it to his advantage in creating a country full of people that could perform all manner of atrocities with seemingly no conscience to stop them.  He once said that if he were given a whole generation of children to raise that he would then, paraphrasing, be able to fulfill his desires for world domination.  I have heard people ask how a whole country could back him up in the torture and killing of so many people.  His armies were trained up as children to fulfill no ones purpose and will but his alone.  They were instilled with the moral background and training that would allow them to believe that what they were doing was correct and right.  Their thoughts and emotions were literally molded and shaped by Hitler’s very own philosophies.  

            In families, the thoughts and emotions of the children are likewise molded by the training and example of their parents.  Children generally grow up believing the same things as their parents.  If parents are racists, then the children usually are the same.  If the parents are religious then the children usually have the same beliefs.  Likewise, if one or both of the parents feel the need to control those about them, the children are affected in like manner.  Some will learn to control while others will learn to fear and mistrust those close to them.  If fathers abuse their families, the children will have a much greater tendency to therefore abuse their own families.  Some people will treat their own children exactly how they were treated as a child whether right or wrong.  They will demand that their children do things a certain way because “My father made me do it this way,” even if whatever it was that they were demanding was not applicable or out of date or even dangerous.   

            I once heard on the radio that if you look at a boy’s mother and how much she weighs, you would get a very good idea of that child’s future build as an adult.  Likewise, if you were to examine the moral character, values and beliefs of a person’s parents, you would be able to gain much insight into how and why that person thinks and behaves as he or she does.  Children as they are growing toward adulthood tend to rebel against their parent’s way of doing things, yet deep down and for the most part, they will not completely abandon what they have been taught.  

            The Bible says For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous (Romans 5:19).  By one man, Adam, sin entered into this world as well as the ultimate penalty for it – death.  Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned (Romans 5:12).  But it didn’t just affect Adam, death and sin was passed down through all the generations of his children.  Yet, God broke this chain of events by sending one completely righteous man, His Son Jesus Christ to live and die to save us from our sins.   Likewise, through Jesus we, as parents, can break that vicious cycle of sin in our marriages to become living examples for our children of how to properly love one another.  We have seen how that by one bad marriage, many generations of children can be adversely affected.  But, by Jesus’ example, we know that it only takes one good marriage to likewise affect many generations for the good.   

            Probably the most determining factor of whether or not a person will change for the good of their family is their willingness to look at things from another perspective.  Some people do not seem to have that ability or maybe they just will always refuse to try.  However, before you can change, you must first completely realize that you have been wrong.  Even after the realization that what you have always believed is totally incorrect, you must forever be on guard to not fall back into that same pattern of behavior or way of thinking.  It will seem very natural to do so for a very long time.  Old habits truly are hard to break.   

            For those that are bent upon controlling everyone around them, there may never be a change.  First of all, who are they going to permit to tell them that they are wrong?  It surely would never be their spouses for they would probably never have the courage to confront them with such a concept in the first place.  Finally, some people will just flat out refuse to change just because they prefer everything only their way.  If, lets say, a marriage doesn’t work out like they expect, they will simply abandon that partner and try again with someone else until they find the one that will be perfect for them.  What is left behind is a trail of broken hearts, broken families and disillusioned children.   

            Lord, could it be that I fell in love with the wrong person in the first place?  Does falling in love always mean that the relationship is right?   

Relying on the Lord 

Look (to the Lord) Before You Leap 

            “I fell in love with him.”  Have you ever given thought as to how or why this phrase came into being?  To love someone as a friend or family member or just to love people in general is obviously nothing like the feeling that is felt after falling in love.  It is very much like being on top of a cliff and taking the plunge.  One moment you are fine and the next you’re on a freefall with your heart racing wildly and you just can’t seem to get your breath.  It is incredibly exhilarating and exciting.  However, once done, your whole perspective about that person can be dangerously narrowed down to only what we want to now see.   

            Projection was once described to me as one person seeing qualities in another person that may or may not actually be there, because that is what he or she wants to see.  We subconsciously take the good things that we see in ourselves and project them onto another person.  We somehow fool ourselves into seeing those qualities in the other person when they really are not there at all.   I’ve heard many people say, “He or she turned out to not be like I thought they were” or “I was disillusioned in love.”  I wonder whose fault that really was in the first place?  It was obviously an allusion of the mind, but why would we do that to ourselves?  It may very well be that we are in too much of a hurry to get what we want than to wait on what is right.  I can remember wanting something so badly that I would fantasize how it could help me out in so many different ways.  This I did in order to justify buying the item.  However, after actually getting what I wanted, I was usually disillusioned with its performance or I simply realized that it didn’t fulfill as many of my needs as I thought it would.  In other words, don’t fantasize yourself right into a wrong relationship. 

            Basically, when we try so hard to make someone into a person that they are really not, we are merely relying on our own selves to determine what we will receive.  This will get us into trouble every time.  We must Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes…(Proverbs 3:5-7).   Every one of us is capable of falling in love with who knows how many people on this earth.  We could be happy with any number of those individuals.  But how much greater could our love and happiness be if we had the perfect mate that only God could help us find?  Wait on the Lord.  That’s what trusting him is all about.  Let him make those decisions for us.  Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. (Psalms 27:14).  But how, you might say, will we know if this is the person that God wants us to be with? 

Wait on the Lord 

            If we truly believe that the Lord  cares for us and will direct our paths in all ways, then believe that this problem is no more difficult than any other.  It is our impatience that gets in the way and causes our mistrust of the Lord’s decision making and timing.  Have you ever heard the phrase “Our timing was just wrong?”  Guess what.  God’s timing has never been wrong.  Our whole universe is about timing.  It is in constant motion with the motions of all planets relying upon the motions of other planets as well as their subsequent systems.  Our own planet is no different.  Its rotation is perfect and if any different, our Earth would not sustain life.  Timing is essential in the movement of even the tiniest particles that make up all matter in everything including you and I.   

            All down through history the timing of all prophetic events has been perfect.  Jesus’ birth was prophesied, which meant that man knew and could look forward to his birth.  But to the generations before His birth, it seemed as if it would never happen.  Yet when it did, it was the perfect time.  We know that now - hindsight gives us perfect sight.  The events of the end times such as the rapture will only occur at the perfect time.  We don’t know when that will be but we know that all things will happen only precisely when they should.  Wait on the Lord.  Don’t mess up his perfect timing because of impatience and lack of faith.   Left in our hands we may in fact choose the right person, but what if he/she wasn’t ready yet?  What if the Lord needed to fix a few problems that that person is experiencing at the moment?  It would be very much like serving dinner before it has been fully cooked.  It could have been great but not right now.  Wait for the timer to go off.  The Lord has it set to the precise time.  Wait. 

            Again, how will we know who the right person should be?  When truly left up to the Lord, we no longer struggle with the problem.  We don’t even need to worry about the solution or how He may choose to solve it.  The Lord doesn’t struggle with the solutions to problems.

Place It in the Lord's Care 

            “Lord Jesus it’s been days and I still can’t figure this problem out.  I’ve struggled and I am totally frustrated.  I need to get it straightened out because my job depends upon it.  I just can’t go any further.  I’ve tried everything and nothing will work.   I give up.”  

            “Lord, I know you know the answer to my problem and I also know that I should have already asked for your help.  Jesus, I was wrong to agonize over this so long without letting you help me.  Please take this problem from me.  I leave it in your hands.  Forgive me and thank you for helping me for it’s your strength that I need and not my own.”  

            Countless times I have prayed a version of this prayer.  One would think by now that I would start off praying over a problem instead of ending up praying over it.  However, one way or another, most of my problems do get prayed over.  I’m not always talking about long agonizing prayers but also the small “Please help me with this Lord” prayers.  I know He hears me at all times.  That hearing is actually part of the solution because it’s not just the Lord hearing with the ears.  I believe He actually feels what we’re saying, heart felt, way down deep.  Our troubles trouble Him and the Lord longs to set us free from them.  We need, however, to just give our burdens over to Him. 

            We are like drowning people struggling to stay a float, beating against the water and anyone that tries to help.  It’s nearly impossible to be saved from drowning until we give up the struggle and let our rescuer have complete control.   The Lord Jesus wants to be our rescuer/savior.  We just need to let go of our struggle and relax in His embrace.  Let Him carry us over the troubled waters to a safe and secure place.

            Many times I have struggled with a problem that I could not solve.  After finally giving it over to the Lord I genuinely relaxed.  I would go about my day not worrying anymore about it.  Circumstances would then arise that would cause me to work again with the previous source of frustration only to find some sort of easy answer - so easy in fact that I would just dismiss it with a “Pfft.  Wow that’s all it was.”  The answer came so easily that I would think that maybe there really hadn’t been a problem at all. 

            I had so many problems that were solved with such ease that I began wondering if praying actually did anything.  Very many times I would forget that I had prayed so fervently because the solution worked in so seamlessly with my daily activities.  It would be as if nothing was ever there to hinder me in the first place.  Ask any non-Christian and they would say that I had just relaxed and had let my brain work on it subconsciously.

            The Lord finally led me to the truth in the matter.  Is there any problem that we could possibly have that if the Lord also had it He would need to struggle to solve it?  No.  When we finally put our problem into the Lord’s hands, it is now His, not ours anymore.  Just let me tell you, once the Lord finally gets a hold of the problem “It ain’t no big thing.”  We merely miss the power of his work by the simplicity at which He solves it.   

            Do not let a day go by that you don’t hand the Lord over your burdens.  Trust Him in all things that He may be able to care for you.  Casting all your care upon Him for He careth for you (1Peter 5:7.9).   

Let the Lord Guide Your Paths 

            The Lord will not leave us ignorant or in doubt.  We as Christians know when we are in the company of someone that the Lord would not want us to be involved with.  Part of our real problem is with succumbing to physical attraction or words that are very sweet and perfectly timed to fill whatever hole we have in our lives at the time.  This is the time that real prayer and the seeking of His guidance is needed.  Remember; acknowledge Him in all your ways and He shall direct your path.  But you must first open your eyes and ears to hear what He is saying.  The person right in front of you may seem perfect and very attractive but don’t let yourself take that plunge until you know that it is right to do so.  Let the Lord guide you to that understanding.   

            He will lead you to a better understanding of the other person than if you did it on your own.  Be careful. Don’t become sexually involved.  You would know immediately that the Lord is not in that relationship.  Seeking His understanding and guidance at that point would be very difficult.  Sexual sin causes a separation between God and man.  If God’s timing for a sexual relationship is only during marriage then sex outside of marriage is merely taking matters into our own hands and leaving God out entirely.  We will be left at the mercy of our own understanding.  However, by waiting on the Lord in all ways, He will lead you to know that other person more deeply than you could ever imagine.   

            Getting to know a person can be fun but sometimes very frightening.  You are always afraid of saying something or revealing something about yourself that may scare the other person away.  Remember that they are also feeling the same and may not be showing their true selves either.  Sometimes a relationship needs enough time to get past all of these quirks.  Finding out later, such as in marriage, that a person has been hiding some very undesirable traits, such as domination, can be extremely devastating.  Use the time of courtship wisely.  Get to know the other person inside and out.  Observe their behavior in all situations seeking to find out why they react as they do and if it is tolerable to a marriage relationship.  Get to know their family background and moral upbringing.

             Most of all, are they a child of God.  Not only is he/she a Christian but also, does that person have the same beliefs that you do?  During courtship it may not seem such a great concern but don’t let the current attraction cloud the senses on these matters.  Don’t be distracted from the truth.  Different religious viewpoints will cause a separation in marriage, especially in the subsequent upbringing of the children.   

Unending Love 

            God’s love relationship with his children is everlasting and unending.  It is timeless.  It cannot come to an end.  He will never leave us nor forsake us.  He is helplessly, hopelessly and everlastingly in love with us.  He is committed to love us for eternity. 

            Are you willing to make that kind of commitment with the other person?  Marriage is that type of commitment.  But it can only be so if the right two people have met and fallen in love and the timing is correct and they are placing their entire trust in the Lord.  Impossible?  No.  Don’t struggle in the waters.  Relax and put the whole entire matter into the Lord’s hands.  Not just bits and pieces of your life or love life – the whole thing from beginning to end!  He will direct your path.  It will be a straight and narrow path, which leaves no room for aimless wonderings.  Your love for each other will be steadfast and unending.  Trust in the Lord.

Lord, I am sure that not many have the capability of possessing that kind of love.  How could  I ever expose myself to another possible heartbreak?  I am afraid and I fear that I may avoid heartache by mearly avoiding love from now on. 

Avoiding Heartache

Conclusion 

            The ability to love is special and is surely a gift from God as is sexual pleasure.  That athlete who purposely avoids falling in love to avoid pain is missing a wonderful life experience.  He very well may have never met the woman that God has intended for him to be with, but wouldn’t it be a shame to find her and then miss having ever loved her.   

            His children that he had outside of the confines of marriage are missing a father’s guidance for many life experiences.  They will miss seeing him love and care for their mother in a proper manner.  They may never see their mother love and care for their father in such a manner that God has intended her to do so in a marriage environment.   

            Even though God may not have intended for this man and woman to ever be married, by taking matters into their own hands, children were created.  These kids as well as their kids and so on may suffer for the decisions made by this man and woman.  Yet, we know there is hope and healing of all things through the blood of Jesus Christ.   

            The only true way to avoid heartache is by placing all of your faith and trust in the Lord to guide your steps throughout your lifetime.  Whatever situation you find yourself in, ask the Lord for His guidance.  Listen.  Wait.  He will direct your path.  He cannot lie.  What He says, He will do.

A Broken Heart and God's Healing Power 

            I was on an emotional roller coaster for at least a year after our breakup.  For at least four, possibly five of those months, my mind constantly dwelled on my husband and the breakup.  I hated going to work because my job is of the type that requires little physical exertion but demands total concentration.  I would work for five minutes and then before I knew it, I was completely immersed in – him.  I hated going home because the children were so demanding and I was so lonely.  There was nothing to look forward to.  I would stay away from home as much as possible watching ballgames, playing in sports leagues and taking a second job as a coach.  Yet, try as I might I still could not get it all off of my mind.   

            One of my hobbies brought me into close contact with my husband and his new woman friend quite frequently.  I did everything in my power to remain calm at all times.  Actually it wasn’t that difficult.  I truly believe that the Lord gave me the ability to react in a manner that He wanted me to.  I will not lie, seeing them closely together was extremely painful.  I often wondered if there was something wrong with me for trying to be nice to them – her.  I prayed about the matter and came to the conclusion that I should act in no other way.  However, an enemy is an enemy.  I don’t need to be too friendly with the one who pursued my husband for so long.  He himself was not at all innocent in the matter.  I was not either.  I was told, actually warned, many years before our breakup that he was seeing her.  I chose to not listen.  I chose to not take the steps necessary to possibly prevent the present outcome or to let me better say – prepare for the inevitable outcome. 

            My friends have been wonderful.  They have kept me going by inviting me to such things as dinners, picnics and family outings.  I have made new friends playing sports at home and at work.  Many men have attempted to ask me out on dates, yet for the first seven months I refused them all.  Getting involved so soon would be a major mistake.  Also, for me, I was very much afraid that I would unfairly compare a new person with my husband, who in my mind was nearly perfect.  This I knew would just cause me to be more sad in that it would make me believe that there could really be no one else but him.   

            There was a constant war going on in my head.  I would think negative thoughts and then the Holy Spirit would bring me back to reality with His words and wisdom.  The works of the Holy Spirit are truly remarkable and grossly underestimated as well as under credited.  If you think that you’ve never felt His presence in any concrete manner, then maybe you are just not letting Him work in you.  Maybe you are just not listening or maybe you are just expecting Him to work in your ways and not in His ways.  I know what it feels like to want His help to be more direct.  But in wanting that directness we are showing our lack in faith.  Anyone can be physically direct by speaking to and helping our outsides.  Only God can and will help from the inside out.  Our own perception of how His work and power should be implemented is sometimes distorted and we just don’t realize what He really is actually doing for us.  Just believe that He is performing a great work in us.  You must know without a doubt that the Holy Spirit is real and ...is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1).  A very present help – period. 

            I often wondered if I should seek the help and advice of a therapist.  I thought that maybe he would tell me how to feel and react.  I just merely wanted someone to tell me what I wanted to hear.  I realized that I had none other but the best in counseling residing within my own person.  He didn’t just tell me what I wanted to hear but what I should hear.  He taught me how to feel and to think and to react.  He taught me how to wait upon Him for all things.  He not only taught me these things but He did something that no other psychologist could do - He gave me the strength to follow His orders.  Since His sessions never came to an end, He was able to stay with me at all times, counseling me whenever it was necessary.   

            Any and all good that I was able to accomplish during this time was by Him and through Him.  He counseled me in so many different ways: Church, friends, children and my writing.  The latter has been a real Godsend.  I sit down in front of the computer and the Lord writes through me what He wants me to hear.  He takes my experiences and feelings and has me write words that I truly could never have written on my own.  I find myself rereading the text many times afterwards learning and gaining comfort from it.  It would be almost as if I had never seen it before.

            I know that I have a long journey ahead of me.  At times I know that I will feel utterly saturated with loneliness.  There will also be many temptations and distractions.  I pray to the Lord that I will not fall yet I know that there is none perfect - no not one.  However, if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).   This does not give us a license to sin but it frees us from the bondage of sin.  Yes, I fall as does any other Christian alive, but I have a God that knows my weaknesses and loves me.  He knew me in all of my unworthiness even before I was born.  He looked down through all of the ages and determined within Himself that He would one day die in order to save my life.   

            One day, I in turn determined to put my faith, hope and trust in Him.  I placed my life into His hands that He would then lead me in a better way.  I believed that Jesus was born in the flesh to live a sinless life and to die on the cross for the redemption of my sins.  That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved (Romans 10:9).  I was truly and miraculously saved.  He not only died for me, He gave me a wonderful gift for believing in Him - For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23).   

            No matter what awful situations this life brings our way, we have the assurance of a better future with God.  We don’t need to remain bitter at our enemies or to retaliate for unjust treatment.  We know that all things work together for good to them that love God… (Romans 8:28).  Pray for those that wrong you.  Forgive them.  Ours will be a sweeter reward for the Lord will see to that.   

            The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.  Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand (Psalms 37:23-24).

            The key to living a Christ-like life is to fully rely on God in every aspect of your life.  Seek Him first.  Let Him direct your paths -Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths... (Proverbs 3:5-8).  When life throws you a curve, trust God.  Stand firm in His ways and not your ways.  Stand on His promises.  Stand on His word.  Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to STAND (Ephesians 6:13). 

Gods Trust 

How beautiful God's eyes must be to have master pieced this world of wonder and beauty. 

How powerful yet sweet the voice that formed all of the heavens and earth. 

How gentle and loving His hands must be to have sculpted the faces of all his children. 

How the radiance of His countenance must have glowed throughout all the heavens as He observed the beauty of His creation.  

                With all the awesomeness of the universe that  is entrusted unto His loving care, He still adamantly pleads for each one of us to rely steadfastly upon Him for all the needs of our hearts and lives.                  

                All He really wants is for us to wholly place our trust in Him in every way.  To willingly stay in His sight, relaxing in the comfort of His embrace and ever listening to His voice.    

Stay in God's Trust. 

V3 - 12/1/2024