Relationships (Lord Lead Me) 

    Relationships take a lot of work to build and maintain.  It’s much easier to stay single and carefree, never needing to worry about the feelings of another or worry about being hurt by any other person.  However, in reality we enjoy close relationships – when they’re going well.  At the first sign of trouble many run.  Many relationships become miserable, turning to quicksand, slowly sucking you down without being able to escape.  

    What causes this to happen?  A few reasons are hurt, disappointment, dashed expectations, rudeness, sarcasm, self-centeredness, selfishness, lack of communication, hard headedness and cheating.  Some may go through life feeling that they are barely keeping their heads above the sand continually wishing for something better.  Some choose to escape by turning to others either emotionally or physically.  Their solution to the problem was to let someone else, someone new pull them out of it.   

    Wouldn’t it be better in the long run to escape from the quicksand by actually rising above it?  However, as we all know, pulling yourself out of quicksand is nearly impossible.  You have no leverage.  There is just no way to push or pull your way up and out of it.  Your physical strength counts for nothing.  You are helpless.  How on earth is it possible to “Rise above it?”  First of all, ask for help by the one who actually understands your situation better than you do yourself.  There is absolutely no circumstance that is beyond the Lord’s ability to rectify.  I’m not saying that couples will always stay together but the situations can and will change for the better if handed over wholeheartedly and totally to Him.  He will be your leverage and strength.  He will pull you up and carry you through any storm that may arise – if you let Him.   

    Letting Him is the difficult part.  It means being willing to lay out your heart and mind on a platter and admitting that by your own strength you are unable to change.  It’s hard to let someone fix you if you don’t let them in the door.  Reconstructing broken relationships starts in one’s own heart.  There is no way to demand the other person to change, to act in a certain way or to blame them for ruining the relationship if you are in fact part of the problem.  It’s rare that only one person is actually the cause of a break up.  Many don’t even realize that their own actions have caused the hurt and bitterness that resides in the other person.  This then perpetuates back in some form, such as retaliation, to the first person and then it all spirals out of control.  One small hurtful incident, one small misstep can send the whole relationship sinking out of control. 

    After admitting failure and handing it over to the Lord, relax, take a deep breath and then wait on Him.  Be ready with an open ear to hear His Words and Will.  How does one hear God?  The Bible is the very Word of God.  How do you get to know anyone?  You listen to them.  How do you get to know God?  You listen to Him through His words.  The Bible addresses nearly every situation you may encounter.  Also, God manifests Himself in three forms, one of which is The Holy Spirit.  If you have given your life to Christ then His Spirit has come to physically dwell in your very own body where He will guide and lead you, His thoughts to yours.  Prayer is a communication link that can be continually unbroken in your daily life.  If you determine to open up an ever listening ear, He will begin to conform your thoughts and desires to be in line with His.   

    Total and complete change to a new perfect person does not happen over night.  It’s a life long process of refinement.  The Lord starts by pointing out areas in your life that need changed.  The conscience of a person is a tool by which He can help you identify these trouble spots.  Don’t ignore your conscience.  It’s there for a purpose and is divinely used to help refine our character.   

    This is the beginning of a process where we will eventually begin to think as He thinks – to be “Christ Minded.”  If He is perfect in every way then wouldn’t life be so much better if we would just let Him teach us how to think, live and feel?  Our relationships would be sweeter, kinder and far more fulfilling then if He were left out of the equation.  If we let Him, He will teach us how to be kind, how to communicate, how to be unselfish and the importance of self sacrifice.  He will teach us how to be mindful of each others needs.  He will show us how to guard the hearts of our husbands and wives by remaining chaste in our actions. 

    He will teach you of unfailing kindness even in the face of hurt and disappointment.  He will show you how to overcome pain, bitterness and hurt without turning to strangers.  He will change your speech to be less accusing, less sarcastic.  It will be more uplifting, affirming and supportive.  He will strip away the desire for unnecessary and inappropriate emotional or physical stimulation by someone other than your husband or wife.  He will transform you into a person worthy of a mate. 

    You might wonder why nothing has been said about how to fix your spouse’s deficiencies.  Well, plain and simple, you can’t fix theirs.  However, by changing your own self you have actually corrected fifty percent of the relationship.  If you chose instead to attempt to fix your spouses problems by pointing out their mistakes, nothing at all would have been fixed.  You would still be at zero percent.  If your spouse sees the changes in you and can let go of some of the bitterness themselves, they may just be able to break loose from the bondage that they are in and start rising up out of the quicksand.  Better yet, if they choose to let the Lord help them also, then you both will be on the way to a more loving and healthy relationship. 

    The best scenario of a relationship is to start out in the first place on common ground regarding basic moral ethical issues.  It’s hard to keep this in mind when initial attractions and emotions come into play after meeting someone.  Yet, down the road, after things cool down and that initial rush of attraction wears off you will begin to notice that these differences of opinions can start to create a chasm between the two of you.  If kids are involved then these differences can become quite controversial.  Basic differences in what you consider to be right and wrong behavior can cause hurt, disappointment and invariably pain in a relationship.  By starting out in the first place with a like minded moral ethical base the foundation of the relationship will be much stronger and less likely to crack in stormy hard times.   

    Husbands, learn to love your spouse as Christ loves you.  Men are designated as being the leader of the family.  That doesn’t mean that the wife’s opinions don’t count.  This means that ideally you should be the one person in the relationship that has the ability to lead your wife and children in the way of the Lord.  Your leadership should be rooted in the character of Christ.  Christ’s love should show through your speech and your actions that your wife and children may learn from it, be comforted in it and feel the security of it.   

    You should understand that invariably a woman’s whole self esteem becomes completely wrapped up in how she thinks that you feel about her.  Not only tell her how you feel but convey this to her in your actions as well.  It means cherishing and protecting her heart by vigilantly guarding your own eyes, heart and hands from those that are not your wife.  Does this mean avoiding the opposite sex?  No.  But it means avoiding behaviors that lead to temptations.  It means cutting short conversations that are becoming flirtatious in nature and then, if necessary, avoiding the person altogether if attractions are becoming obvious. It means avoiding unnecessary physical contact unless done in a very discreet and respectful manner.  If your wife believes that she is special and that your touch is reserved for her alone, then she will be less likely to ever look to another for emotional or physical stimulation. 

    Wives, respect your husbands in body, mind and spirit.  Be mindful of his needs and ever willing to help him in his endeavors.  Be caring, compassionate, kind in words and in deeds.  Be a friend.  Don’t attempt to be domineering but to be supportive of him.  Learn to let him lead.  Trust the Lord to take care of unforeseen circumstances that may make life stressful and strive always to continue to build a loving relationship.  When hurt, resist the temptation to retaliate.  Identify the problem and communicate it with him in a gentle manner.  Don’t hold onto grudges becoming bitter but forgive quickly and work to fix the emotional damage.  Be kind, always.  When feeling hurt, return it with a kind act.  When the thoughts of vindictiveness or retaliation for a wrong creeps into your mind, overcome it by being kind and considerate.  It not only may diffuse the situation but it changes your very own heart, clears your head and brings compassion for your spouse.   

    In all that you do, be mindful of each others needs.  The following are two prayers, one of a husband and the other of a wife.  They are very unselfish in that they don’t ask the Lord to fix the other person that their relationship would be better.  Instead, they ask that the Lord lead their own hearts, desires and actions in the proper direction. 

Wife’s Prayer (Lead Me):

    Heavenly Father, you have called me to honor and serve my husband in grace, humility and love, yet, I so often let worry, insecurity and fear overshadow that calling.  Unburden my heart from worry and expectations.  Teach me to relinquish control of my life and marriage to you, for only you are strong enough to carry and sustain it. 

    Lead me to a place of deep trust and intimacy with you Lord so that I would seek no emotional fulfillment elsewhere but would bring to my relationship with my husband a rich overflow of confidence and strength making our home and marriage a peaceful, restful haven.  Show me how best to love my husband, supporting and respecting him, praying for and trusting the work of your Spirit in his heart and life. 

    Give me the wisdom to value what is eternal so that I might be truly content with my present circumstances and not fearful and not fretful or anxious over family decisions and finances.  Teach me to be beautiful as you define beauty.  Let me be a creative and enjoyable friend and companion for my husband, gracious and kind, gentle in disagreement and quick to forgive. 

    Only as you lead me will I become the woman and wife that my husband needs and deserves.  So lead me, O Lord. Amen. 

Husband’s Prayer (Lead Me):

    Christ Jesus, you have called me to love my wife tenderly and sacrificially even as you love the Church.  But too often I know myself to possess a distracted heart.  Please give me patience, gentleness and kindness toward my wife and the wisdom to value her for her gifts and ideas.  Teach me to be vulnerable with her, openly sharing my own heart, thoughts, hopes and fears even as I seek to better understand hers. 

    Remind me to be ever mindful of her interests and needs with each decision I make and to structure my life in such a way that she receives the best of my energy and attention, rather than what is left over.  Give me the courage to passionately pursue a relationship with her even when I feel wronged or wounded.  Let me become for her a man of tenderness, kindness, creativity and integrity, cherishing and protecting her heart by vigilantly guarding my own eyes, heart and hands. 

    Above all, Jesus, teach me to lead as you led, in humility and service.  Only by your grace can I be a godly man and a good husband for my wife.  Lead me Lord, I pray.  Amen.

Your Decision to Receive Christ as Your Savior:

     Confess to God that you are a sinner.  Believe that the Lord Jesus Christ died for your sins on the cross and was raised for your justification.  Receive and Confess Him as your personal Savior.   

Assurance As a Believer:

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved (Romans 10:9).

© 2010 G. R. Workman  

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